Post Natal Depression.

[Grizzly]

Have you had a partner suffer with, or indeed who is still suffering with post natal depression?

My girlfriend has been suffering with this for the past 4 1/2 years. We're not sure what exactly triggered it off, when Kai was born she had it for about 6 months. When Kaitlin was born she never suffered with it, in fact she wanted to spend all her time with her and you were lucky to get a look in! However, with Jasmine it was totally different, she just didn't want to know at all. It wasn't right at the beginning though, at first things were fine, then one day things took a dramatic turn for the worse. I was working on a farm at the time and Nikk would ring me up in tears, very aggitated, and in an obvious state of distress. She never hurt Jasmine in any way but would tell me she was going to leave her and just go out or she was going to kill herself. She even started, quite regular to self harm, cutting her wrists and arms, scratching her face, etc. I felt lost, I just didn't know what to do. I'd spoke to the doctors several times, expressing my concern for her welfare. I'd spoke to Nikk herself but it all seemed to be to no avail. She alway said that they wouldn't help her, that they'd not believe her. In the end I decided that I had no choice but give up my job to stay home to look after her and the kids. Eventually, after 4 months of trying, I managed to convince Nikk to see a doctor. This was the beginning, the start we needed. I'd made an appointment with our local GP and Nikk (to my supprise) actually kept it. She'd had me cancel plenty of others!
We got into the doctors and she started to tell him how she felt. Before she'd even finished the first sentence she broke down in tears and it pretty much all came out. The doctor was awesome, very understanding and supportive. He told her that he had a girlfriend while at medical school who suffered with depression so he could relate to her. I think this helped no end cos she felt he believed her and didn't judge her. He put her onto medication and suggested her speaking to someone to try get her feelings out into the open. She attended one meeting with a councellor and decided that she was never going back. She took her medication every day and saw the doctor at regular intervils. Eventually the doctor was happy to reduce the dosage she was on and halved it. She continued to improve, although her relationship with Jasmine had suffered. It was me who Jasmine came to if she had hurt herself or if she just wanted a cuddle. I felt really sorry for Nikk cos none of it was her fault, she was in no way to blame for anything but Jasmine didn't understand. I started looking after a fishing complex and I took Jasmine with me every single day. We'd be out all day down the lakes after dropping the elder kids off at school and pre-school. Jasmine caught and reeled in her first carp at 2 years old, although I held the rod and told her when to reel. Nikk was constantly improving and I'd start to leave Jasmine with her for 5 minutes at a time then gradually increase the time they spent with each other.
Jasmine is 5 now and Nikk is able to look after her all day with no problems whatsoever Nikks medication was cut from 40mg to 10mg over the years and she'd been on 10mg for a year or so. She'd become a buddhist, chanted and studdied every day and was so happy with her live, the kids and even me! Now however, we seemed to have gone back to square one.
This current pregnancy wasn't planned and 2 weeks prior to finding out we were expecting we were actually discussing her being sterilized. Anyway, we find out we're expecting and the doctor stops her medication. Nikk starts to suffer with hyperemisis (she had this with both girls, Kaitlin 26 weeks, Jasmine 19 weeks) and is unable to eat or drink anything. She's really struggling to come to terms with the fact she's carrying a baby. Even though we've had 2 scans it doesn't seem real to her. It's like we're back to square one with her depression, she's spoke of suicide, abortion, self harm, etc. It's so hard to deal with, I never know what to say and whatever I do say is always wrong. She has spoke to people at the hospital about how she's feeling but they're going to leave things to her. If she feels that she's struggling then she has a number to call, not that she would I don't think. It's a really hard time, I'm really looking forward to a new baby but she isn't, she seems to want nithing to do with it. I personally think she's worried that she'll be as she was before. The doctors have said that she could start on her medication again but there would be a 1 in 10000 chance that the baby would be born with congenital heart problems. I personally think she should start the medication again, them odds aren't that bad to me, I'd not place a bet on a dog with them odds that's for sure. She's more than 12 weeks now so the baby's fully formed and is just in needing to grow.

Anyway, back to my initial question?

[jaycee]

Sorry to read your post mate. I really hope she seeks some advice and help and feels better soon. Depression is just the worst thing and is so misunderstood and looked down on.

My mum had mental health issues for the most part of her life, so I grew up with her severe depression and anxiety and for as long as I can remember she was on medication, in hospital and so on. She made two attempts on her life when I was a child and sadly she passed away last year of cancer.

I have always been keen to face depression if I or anyone else in the family suffered from it (my eldest brother has had it too). There's been times when I've felt down (well we all do don't we?) and I've worked hard to get myself well. I know for sure that sometimes you just can't do things on your own. I think if my mum had stuck with some counselling or therapy she would have led a much happier life at points. Of course like with all things, she had her good days and bad days.

It was a complete surprise when my partner started to suffer from anxiety when our daughter was about 6 weeks. It just came out of nowhere. She started to get panic attacks and be really terrified that our girl would get ill. Luckily for her, her mum is a counsellor so I think talking to her really helped her out. At the moment she is ok, but I'd hate for her to be in that place again.

Personally I think medication is an easy solution and too often GPs are quick to prescribe drugs. Of course people have crises and need them, but talking really helps, whether it's therapy or family / friends. Eating healthily and exercise are also so so important and that is tough with children and busy lives. Sleep is crucial too. I'd recommend getting your other half to try counselling again. MIND are meant to be quite good, it doesn't always have to be through the GP. Best of luck. jc

[Jono_MFC]

Her in doors has suffered and is only just getting over it 3 years down the line. If you wnt to talk please feel free to PM me

[perkin]

My wife suffered from it after the birth of our twins - I'm not sure she's fully over it even now. When pregnant with twins, twice as many hormones pump through your veins. Whilst my wife was carrying the twins, she was on a hormone high, and then when she gave birth, the hormones disappeared and crash! I just spent lots of time with her, helping etc etc.

[Grizzly]

Did you need or were you offered any help yourself?

I think maybe once someone asked me how I was feeling, was I coping ok. I always said yeah, I was fine. I think you just have to don't you.........I felt it was my responsibility to keep everything in order, I was the man, I was the king of this castle. In truth, I was struggling, it was so hard, I had everything to do, run the house, make sure all bills were paid, kids had food and clothes, got to school on time, etc. I had to make sure Nikk was ok, although it was hard cos I was shouted at constantly. I know none of it was really her, it was a result of the depression, the hormone inbalance. I don't mean to sound 'big headed' but I think most people would've just up'd and left, I suppose it would've been the 'easy' option but when you love someone like I love her you have to find a way to make it through. I learnt never to take anything to heart, to never let what she did or said affect the way I thought of her. Whether this was right or wrong I don't know but I used to go fishing as......my way of escape I suppose. I went almost every day for hours on end. I always had the kids (if the eldest weren't at school) and Jasmine with me. As soon as I was on the bank it was as if all the troubles at home just drifted away down stream.

Although they were very, very dark times we managed (somehow) to get though them.

Last year Nikk started to follow Nichiren Buddhism and totally changed as a person. She lost all the negativity that she seemed to carry with her and started thinking positive. She used to chant every day and I feel became a much stronger minded individual. It was a total transformation to how she was a few years previous but then.........

........Pregnant again and it's like a total slip back into the dark, although it wasn't planned, as such. I suppose if you have sex you run the risk of becoming pregnant regardless of the precautions taken.

She suffered hyperemesis with the previous pregnancies and was really ill. She suffered till she was 26 weeks with Kaitlin and 19 weeks with Jasmine. With this pregnancy she was really bad in the beginning, wanting to hurt herself through constant.........and I mean constant sickness. She couldn't even have a sip of water without throwing it up within 30 seconds to a minute. We were at the out of hours GP and hospital quite a few times. As a result, I was unable to work on some nights (I only worked 4 nights a week as a taxi driver) and one night as we were waiting to here from the doctor to find out if we were to be admitted to hospital I got a phone call from my boss. He said that he'd help me as much as he could as a friend but as of that moment I no longer worked for him. I was dumbstruck, I didn't know what to say to him in reply. I thought to myself if he was a friend he'd offer to help us out through this hard time, he always said 'Family comes first'. Now I know what he meant, his family comes first. The thing that really pisses me off is the fact that when his family were all suffering with swine flu, it was me and me alone that kept the business going. I was the one who worked every night (my nights off too) to cover cos noone else could even be bothered. As soon as I was out at 7pm everyone else went home leaving me alone to answer the phones and do the jobs. I even worked my night off the week I lost my job to help out cos, yet again, noone else would. That was about 3-4 weeks ago and I've never heard a single word from him, he, and his wife even deleted me from his friends list on Facebook!!! The old saying 'With friends like that.........' springs to mind.

That said though, she's nowhere near anything like she was. The sickness has stopped (fingers crossed) and I think is now pretty much 'textbook'. She's always sick on a morning, usually at 7.30 and then maybe just another once through the morning but that's usually the only times she's sick now.......although her sence on smell is really acute!! I'm having to go to Leeds tinight to make my curry cos the smell will make her gip!!!!